tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
