Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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