And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
