the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
