You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize