but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
