You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
