I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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