I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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