Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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