It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
