After last night, I could never be a politician.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize