So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
