Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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