Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize