:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
