You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
