Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
