I just saw a hot homeless man
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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