Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
