Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
