pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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