Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
