"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
