I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
