As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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