Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
