Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
