Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
