yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
