How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
