i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
