The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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