I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
