I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
