I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
