I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
