Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
