i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize