Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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