i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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