my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
