I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
two words...techno handjob
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
