My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
