I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
