You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
