That's intense
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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