I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
