Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
