I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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