Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She bit a glass in half.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
