when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dick very happy bro
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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