There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
