Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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