if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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