so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
