just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My pussy is not your playground.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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