As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
