she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
