I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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