She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
