The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
