census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize