Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
