ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
