thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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