Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
