i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
