If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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