JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
