lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
