I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
