Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize