Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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