Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
