Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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