When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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