You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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